This is a study for one of my earliest figure paintings, "Stirring the Pot". It has been sitting around half-finished for about ten years. I always wanted to finish it and got the perfect motivation last week when a prospective client expressed interest in the first version which has long since sold. The image on the bottom is the sketch before I started working on it and the one on the top is after two days work.

I visited my parents over the holidays and when I was there I saw a lot of my early student work since that is mostly what they have on the walls. It is interesting to see my old stuff. Some of it (not much) amazes me with its vigor and poetry, but mostly I wince at the poor drawing and weak paint quality. This little painting of rocks and a stream was propped up on the kitchen counter where I couldn't avoid seeing it and slowly it began to drive me nuts. I don't remember painting it but, judging by the signature and subject matter, I must have done it about twenty-five years ago. The water isn't bad, but the rocks just look like pink potatoes to me and the lack of depth makes me crazy. I longed to take a brush to it: open up the space, make the rocks hard and bring the sunlight dazzling in. I told my mother I'd take it home and fix it up for her (she gave me a fishy look and muttered something about not letting me in the house anymore) When I got it in my studio I decided to make a copy for myself.

Finished, finally. Finishing a painting always feels like the end of final exams. I want to throw my brushes in the air and go outside; read a book; see people; just have fun and relax and forget the effort.

The final struggle was with the right hand. I thought about leaving it vague, but decided it would look unfinished. So I spent a day putting it down, wiping it out, and putting it down again as I tried to get just the right attitude and expression. I ended the day almost exactly where I began but it was worth it: I had worked through every possibility. When I woke up the next morning I knew just what to do and I painted fluidly, easily, and with confidence and finished it. Yippee.

This is a delayed post. I last worked on the dancer November 17th and then I caught a virus and I've been sick ever since. This is the first day I've been able to sit in front of the computer; I hope I can get back to sitting in front of the easel soon as I am anxious to finsh the piece.

I did finally finish the winter scene that I was working on when I started this blog and although I think it is too subtle and high in pitch to come across well in digital format I am happy with it. One day last week when I thought I was recovered I popped it in a frame and took it to the gallery - then I went home and was sicker than ever for another week.

This is two days' work. It is amazing to look at these: who would guess how many hours of work went into the barely discernable difference between these two states? Well, for one thing I spent a long time working on the head: putting it down and then wiping it out, over and over. I have always found it particularly difficult to draw this view of the head, a sort of 3/4 back view and I have never found it easy to twist the neck. It is a little discouraging that I have been at this for so many years and still find myself struggling with these problems. I shouldn't get down on myself too much though. A lot of painting and drawing problems which I used to find completely daunting I now execute with ease and confidence: drapery, for example. But the head twisted slightly on the neck seen from behind still throws me. I also spent time working on the shadow side of the torso and I think it is coming to life and looks more human and less like an anatomy cast.

This is about a week's work, with the most recent state at the top. I finally decided to quit working on the drawing, even though it is not finished, and just start painting. I was getting too wrapped up in making a beautiful drawing. Looking at my last post, I saw that the last time I worked on the drawing I destroyed the delicately modeled surface in order to dig into the action again. Looking at the the two states side by side I saw what I had lost and was furious with myself. But, but, but I also saw why I did it: the more delicately modeled version had started to look frozen, it had stopped moving. The truth is I'm not happy with either state and I want to go back and put in the delicate surface without losing the life. The question is: how to do this? Maybe the problem is I don't know what I want to do with the surface other than polish it. I have a clear vision of the big dynamic elements and the blocking and anatomy, but I don't know what to do with the surface. Now that I'm working on the painting I have the same struggle: I keep going back and forth between a painterly broken color surface and a smooth sense of skin and flesh; as soon as I've achieved one effect I'm dissatisfied and go in the other direction. Writing this I realize what it is I want: I want both in exquisite, heart-rending balance with each other. I went to a wedding once where very expensive chocolates were placed at each guest's place at table. I had never eaten such a chocolate: the outer coating was so delicate and fine that it broke against my tougue and melted in an instant; like a fleeting dream it was gone before I could grasp it. I think I want something analogous for my surfaces: an illusion of flesh and reality so delicate that as soon as the eye touches it it dissolves into color, light, and movement. Oh, that should be easy to paint!.

I've been working on a finished drawing of the pose for the last two weeks. Here are a couple shots of the piece as it progresses. I'm working very slowly: this pose is so complicated and fascinating. I find I have to take my knowledge of anatomy to another level to grasp it. The articulation of the action depends on particular bundles of muscle fibers within a given muscle. For example the center of the middle section of the deltoid. I'm learning a lot, but it is going very slowly. I think I have reworked the left shoulder twenty times and I'm still not happy with it.

This is two days work. The one onthe bottom shows what I did yesterday. I had a difficult day that day: a lot of interruptions to my work and not enough time to paint. I got frustrated at the end of the day and just started throwing paint, working instinctively rather than thoughtfully. I was tempted to wipe out, but Tom thought it looked great so I kept it. Today I had plenty of time to paint and the light in the studio was good. I worked for hours modeling subtle flesh tones and articulating the amazing dynamics of the shoulder girdle. I was able to think in a calm and organized way about what I was doing and at the end of the day I thought I had done pretty well. But when I see what I did today next to what I did yesterday I feel that what I gained in drawing and subtlety I lost in movement and light. I realize that what I want for my work is to have it all: the freedom and passion of my irrational gut feelings and the elegant subtlety of my ordered and rational side. I swing from one approach to the other trying to find the perfect balance.

I love the action of the female figure: it looks like something from Greek sculpture. I wanted to do a more finished drawing , but I got impatient and jumped into the painting. Now that I'm working on the painting I wish I had spent more time drawing: the pose is so complicated and has so many subtle dynamics that I am spending an inordinate amount of time fiddling with the drawing.